


Buy One Get One

by SureWhyNot9



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Artificial Intelligence, Holoavatar Play, M/M, Mentions of past injury, Other, Questionable Coping Methods, Self-Indulgent, Self-cest, Sticky Sexual Interfacing, Xenophilia, self love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-07 09:40:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14668383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SureWhyNot9/pseuds/SureWhyNot9
Summary: Swerve is still lonely, and it feels selfish to talk to anyone else about it when they already did so much for him during Swearth and in the time since. So he decides to have some one-on-one time with himself instead.





	Buy One Get One

Swerve sat in his room with most of the lights off and the berth in front of him clear. He vented slowly, adjusted the size of the projection he was about to send out, and turned on the holomatter avatar program. A human appeared in front of him, kneeling in the same position so they faced each other on the berth. Brown hair, blue visor, button down shirt and—once he’d solidified—an awkward smile. Swerve gave him a half-sparked smile in return. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He looked himself over. Swerve could feel him moving, but there was just enough separation between the holoavatar’s senses and his physical frame’s to keep him from getting vertigo. He couldn’t see from both perspectives at once, but he could feel the breathing. The regular pulse of his heart. The way the holoav patted himself down to get a feel for the physical world. They both huffed a laugh at the same time and it sounded… weird. Like there was something wrong with his audials and he was getting feedback. The holoav cleared his throat while they both cast about for something to say. “No shoes?”

“I figured it’d be one less thing to worry about.”

The holoav’s smile turned wry. “Down-to-the-cell detail, and you’re worried about shoes.”

Swerve shrugged. “It’s been a while, you know that. Plus the last time I projected it was a whole planet at once and I was dying, so I figure starting small might be better.”

“I’m not complaining. It’s nice. Casual.” He crossed his legs and sat down with a soft _oof_ , giving his toes an experimental wiggle. “I—we?— _you_ don’t get to dress down your frame when you want things to be less uptight. Either you’re shiny enough for work or you’re—”

“Rusting to death in a puddle of my own fluids?” Swerve offered.

The holoav winced. “I was gonna say ‘a mess’, but I guess distance might be making me sympathetic. If other people are gonna be jerks to me—to you—what’s the point in doing their job for them?”

Swerve winced, too. “I can’t believe I’m lecturing myself.”

“I know, right? Pathetic.”

“Absolutely.”

“Let’s talk about literally anything else.”

“ _Absolutely_.” Swerve hesitated. “It’s—this is weird, right? It doesn’t feel that weird but it actually, really is.”

“I guess so.” The holoavatar scrunched his fingers into the legs of his shorts and frowned. “But lots of people talk to themselves, right?”

“ _Yeah_ , and it’s considered a _problem_.”

“Not if they’re just working something out! It’s just...” he rubbed his neck, ruffling the back of his hair, and squinted behind his visor. “Thinking out loud?”

“I’m thinking about doing more than thinking, though,” Swerve pointed out.

The holoavatar grinned—Swerve’s smile actually looked kind of nice in that face. Soft. He wondered if it was because he wasn’t used to it, or because the holoav has less angles to his face, or because of the dusting of hair on his freckles face. The holoav gave him a wink. “Yeah, I know I’m cute.”

Swerve stuck his glossa out at him. “I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t have to.” The holoav frowned slightly as unexpected charge sizzled through Swerve’s substructure. He pressed a hand to his cloth-covered chest, then his stomach, then he reached over to touch Swerve’s chest instead. “I think we’re heating up..?”

“That’s what it looks like.” Swerve hesitated. “This isn’t—this can’t be a narcissism thing, right?”

“Being attracted to yourself? I don’t know. Does it count if the self you’re into isn’t... you? Physically?”

“I don’t know.” Swerve shook his helm. “I can’t add anything else to my list of issues, I’m totally maxed out as is.”

The holoav moved his hands back to his own chest and gave his pecs a good pat. Swerve could feel the pull of fabric across skin as he felt himself up, hands finding sensitive places to touch and squeeze. Swerve’s valve slicked and his calipers cycled and he could feel the holoavatar’s spike pressing more firmly against the front of his shorts. The holoav glanced up at him and his eyes met Swerve’s optics. He gave Swerve a smile. “Swerve, pal, my buddy and my self, I think maybe you’re just a xenophile.”

Swerve’s face flushed hot. “You need a name.”

The holoav laughed. “Aha, changing the subject, the perfect debate strategy.”

“I know, right? Flawless.” He thought for a few seconds, then scooted closer to join the holoav in feeling up his pseudo-frame. “Something human, maybe?”

“I could go through a list of baby names, see what fits.”

“That’s boring.”

“Yep.” The holoav put a hand to the side of Swerve’s helm. Cool metal against warm skin. They both shivered. “I’m still you.”

“I’m not calling you ‘Swerve 2’.”

He snorted. “Yeah, no.”

Swerve tipped them over and pulled the holoav down so they were lying side by side on the berth. “How about ‘Holo-Swerve’? H.S. for short?”

“Mm… some humans use abbreviations for names, but I’m not sure that one fits.” He touched Swerve’s vents while Swerve ran his fingers through his hair. “H.S.… Hhhhhhsssss… Hess.”

“Hess?”

“Yeah. I think I like that one. It’ll work for now, at least. I don’t know if it _is_ human, but the sound’s pretty close.” Hess stuck his tongue out at Swerve. “It’s not like you’re gonna ask anyone else for input, so I guess we’re stuck with it.”

Swerve snickered and and pulled Hess in closer. Too close, maybe. He could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, regular and programmed and knowing that it was all code should have diminished the attraction, right? Hess didn’t need to breathe. He was a program. Some sort of AI that his processor had formed so Swerve’s consciousness didn’t burn out while he simultaneously ran _thousands_ of simulated lives at once. He’d populated an entire planet, once, he shouldn’t be surprised that the holomatter program was at a place where it could run an additional version of himself without issue. But did that make this okay? The closeness and the—the _wanting?_

Hess closed the space between them and pressed his mouth to Swerve’s. He knew the kiss was coming but it was somehow still surprising. The dual sensations of metal on skin and skin on metal was intoxicating. Swerve moaned and let Hess deepen the kiss until he had to draw away, breathing hard. Hess gave him a small smile. “You were overthinking.”

Swerve sighed. “I guess you’d know.”

“I would!” Hess smooched his cheek and laughed. “If we’re gonna do this, we might as well _do it_ , y’know? All cards on the table. And if we’re going to _do it_ …” He waggled his eyebrows at Swerve and Swerve laughed. “Come on, we’re both thinking it. You’re a human fucker and you know it.”

“Ohh... go frag yourself,” Swerve groaned, shame bubbling weakly in the pit of his tank.

Hess rolled them over so he was on top and grinned down at him. “That’s the plan!”

Swerve sputtered out a laugh and this time when Hess joined him it didn’t sound as weird. More like two similar voices, less like an audio glitch. Swerve pulled his legs up and spread them so Hess could fit between them. “That’s the plan. Okay. We’re really doing this? _I’m_ really doing this?”

“Looks like it.” Hess reached down to unbutton his shorts and Swerve waved a hand to stop him.

“Wait!”

Hess stopped, one hand pushing up his shirt and the other hooked into his belt. “What?”

Swerve bit down on one of his knuckles. “...do it slower.”

Hess grinned and Swerve felt the same smile pull at his mouth. “Alright, striptease, hell yeah let’s do it.”

He wasn’t sexy. Really, he wasn’t _good at_ sexiness, not in any purposeful way, but the holoav was—it was hot in a way ‘real’ Swerve wasn’t. It took time for Hess to unbutton his shirt and shrug it off, and then he had to pull his undershirt over his head, leaving his visor askew and his hair rumpled. He had body hair too, and he let Swerve run his hands over his chest while he slowly unbuckled his belt.

Hess laughed loudly when Swerve planted his face right into his chest. “You okay there?”

His voice was muffled when he spoke. “Fuck me, how come you’re so—so _this?_ ”

“I’m your inner hottie made manifest,” Hess teased.

Swerve snorted and pressed a kiss to Hess’s chest. He was just so _soft_. It felt good to snuggle in close and kiss on him, and it felt even better to hear Hess’s breath hitch. Warm hands trailed up his front and fingers hooked into his vents. Swerve pressed his lips to Hess’s neck and felt him shiver. “Those pants had better be coming off.”

“I thought you wanted to watch.”

Swerve tilted his helm and scooted his frame back enough to look down. “I’m watching.”

Hess let go of Swerve’s vents and slowly undid his fly while Swerve watched. Swerve felt flutters of anticipation swirl around his spark. He wondered briefly if Hess felt the same butterflies, but then Hess was pushing his shorts and boxers down and his spike was standing free, and Swerve shelved the existential questions for later. “You’re allowed to touch.”

“I’m gonna do more than that.” Swerve stroked Hess’s spike and Hess choked on what was no doubt a snarky comeback. “I really want you to frag me.”

“I was wondering why you projected me larger than actual size.” Hess smooched Swerve’s cheek. “Just kidding, I knew exactly where this was going.” He caught Swerve’s hands and eased him back down onto the berth. He kicked off the last of his clothing and lifted Swerve’s knee so he could snug back between his legs. Hess rubbed his valve cover with the palm of his hand. “Come on, open up.”

Swerve snapped the cover aside and lubricant flooded out, making a mess of Hess’s hand. The usual shame of revealing to a partner how quickly he got revved up never came, because Hess already knew exactly where they stood. Swerve felt slick fingers slide into his valve and his internal nodes lit up, firing charge up his spinal chain. It was like self servicing, but each movement was unpredicted and his own frame’s hands were occupied with gripping the soft covering on the berth. He groaned, bliss suffusing his field as Hess fingered him. “Oh frag, _frag_ that’s good.”

“You know what you _shouldn’t_ think about right now with me two fingers deep in your valve?” Hess asked with a grin.

Swerve groaned and flopped an arm across his face, leaving enough room to peek out and keep watching what Hess was doing. “I bet you’re gonna tell me.”

Hess rubbed his thumb against the ring of outer nodes surrounding Swerve’s valve. “You shouldn’t think about getting caught.”

Swerve felt a rush of arousal and whined.

His smile widened. “You shouldn’t think about getting caught by someone who’s so willing to keep you from overexerting yourself with your holoavatar that they offer to step in and frag you in my place.” He leaned in, pressing a third finger into Swerve’s valve as he did so. “Or, someone who offers to frag you _with_ me.”

Another bolt of charge sizzled out from Swerve’s spark and he whimpered. “Oh, you _suck._ ”

“I mean, I _could_ ,” he teased, “but this body isn’t flexible enough to do that _and_ spike you, so you’re gonna have to pick.”

Swerve could feel his calipers cycling down on Hess’s fingers, so similar to his own digits but different in tiny ways that were incredibly noticeable with them squeezed against the sensitive mesh of his valve. He was slick with enough lubricant to take _Ultra Magnus_ ’ spike. Hess crooked his fingers to hit the nodes just inside his valve entrance and he shrieked. “You’re a fucking _cheater_.”

Hess laughed. “I super am. Now, let’s see, who do you want to imagine joining you and yourself in a hot, hot xeno threesome tonight?”

Swerve kicked out a leg and Hess caught it easily, pushing it up to spread Swerve open further. “If you don’t frag me right now, I’m gonna start a revolt.”

“Against who, yourself?” Hess withdrew his fingers and brought them up to Swerve’s mouth. Swerve opened without prompting and he pressed them in. Swerve closed his mouth around the slippery digits and they shared a moan. Hess was loud enough for both of them, making up for Swerve’s muffled vocoder. Hess panted and scooted in closer, the underside of his spike rubbing against Swerve’s valve. His outer nodes lit up at the contact and Swerve squirmed, trying to encourage Hess to slide inside. Hess removed his fingers from Swerve’s mouth and dragged them down his front to toy with his vents.

“Come on, _please—!_ ”

“Who are you gonna pretend is gonna walk through that door, huh?” Hess slipped his fingers in between Swerve’s vent slats and gave a little tug, making him squeak. “Skids? Tailgate? Ooh…” he leaned in, pushing Swerve’s arm up and pinning it over his helm so he could grin down at him. “ _Cyclonus?_ ”

Swerve flushed hot and shame pooled in his fuel tank even as his charge spiraled higher. Yes, okay, he fantasized about his— _unfairly hot_ —friends maybe finding him attractive, and _yes_ , maybe he’d recently taken to fantasizing about that attraction also involving care for his wellbeing, and that care manifesting as fragging him so he didn’t do dumbass things like fragging his own holoavatar like he was doing _right now_ —

“Hey, hey, we’re not doing that.” Hess had released Swerve’s arm and was rubbing gentle circles over Swerve’s spark with the palm of his hand.

“You started it,” Swerve mumbled. Heat still pulsed through his frame. He felt petulant and ridiculous.

Hess leaned in and kissed him, a soft brush of skin on metal. “You’re right. I didn’t mean to kick that off. The getting caught fantasy is usually a fun one.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I’m sorry.”

Swerve reset his visor, looking up at Hess. At this angle his hair fell forward, sort of into his face. Swerve reached up to push it back. Silence stretched between them, heavy and strange but not uncomfortable. There was something there. A place where their thoughts didn’t quite overlap. Self loathing faded when held in the presence of the weird, electric, _something_ that filled that space.

Hess hesitated, breath in his lungs and his mouth and it felt like magic to Swerve. “...did I mess this up by apologizing?”

“No. I don’t think so.” Swerve cupped Hess’s cheek and he turned his head to kiss the palm of his hand. “I know _I’m_ still unbelievably horny.”

Hess snorted out a surprised laugh. “Right back atcha.” He rocked his hips just a little and charge zinged through Swerve’s array again. “You still want me to spike you?”

“Yes and _please_.” He caught Hess’s hand, giving it a brief squeeze before moving down to help hold onto his thighs.

The tip of Hess’s spike nudged at Swerve’s valve entrance. The sensation wasn’t unfamiliar, but it felt almost doubled. Swerve could feel his calipers spread open with almost mind-blowing intensity, but there was also the echo of the feeling of pushing _in_ , a snug valve hot and soaking wet around his spike. There was so much sensory input it was overwhelming.

Swerve’s vents stalled and he felt Hess trembling, his breath leaving condensation on Swerve’s plating that evaporated in seconds. “ _Fuck_ …” He threw out and hand and grabbed onto the edge of the berth, searching for something to ground himself. Hess pushed in the rest of the way and the string of static-laced curses Swerve babbled out was matched by his shaky moan. “Oh fuck, Hess, it’s—” Hess moved and he gasped. Words were snatched right out of his mouth when Hess started thrusting. His sensory net lit up like a hotspot, charge snapping at his joints and making his visor fizzle.

“How the hell does this feel—”

“—so good??” Swerve arched off the berth and Hess leaned into him hard, keeping him down on the surface. “It doesn’t—it doesn’t usually—”

“—feel like this, _fuck me_ why doesn’t fragging always feel like this?” Hess pistoned into him and Swerve could feel the heat from his own frame against his skin, the air from his vents buffeting his hair back and every point of contact between body and frame singing.

Swerve’s spark felt hot and overfull, his processor spinning. “Harder, please, _please—_ ” Hess obliged and a too-loud moan fell from his vocoder. He brought up the hands that wasn’t holding onto the berth for dear life and clamped his dentae down on his knuckles. Hess grabbed his hand and pulled it away, not slowing down for more than a moment. “What—?”

He laughed breathlessly. “None of that.”

Swerve felt an answering laugh bubble up in his vocoder. “Someone’s gonna hear us,” was the only protest he could come up with.

“Someone’s gonna hear _you_ ,” Hess corrected. He dropped his hand to fondle Swerve’s ventilation slats again. “And if they do, they’re gonna know you’re getting off, but so what?” He pressed a sloppy kiss to Swerve’s cheek and grinned. “This isn’t anything bad, it’s just— _ah_ , fuck—it’s _advanced masturbation_.”

Swerve sputtered and burst out laughing. Hess beamed and lifted his leg slightly, changing the angle of his spike in Swerve’s valve and making him shriek. “You jerk!”

“Come on,” Hess begged, “let me hear you.”

“I’m too loud!”

“You’re not too loud until you’re on the books for a noise code violation!” He went to kiss Swerve’s cheek again and Swerve caught his lips in a kiss of his own. He felt tingly and molten and he half wanted to slow down, to take this slow enough to tease out the how and the why of the showers of sparks he felt with every movement, but that would mean dragging this out and he was afraid slowing down would turn into stopping, and if they stopped this would _end._ Hess nuzzled him softly. “We’ve got time. I’m not going anywhere, buddy, we can take inventory later if you just want to feel through this now.”

Swerve nodded. He ran his fingers through Hess’s hair and kissed him again. “Okay. Let’s get see if we can get a noise complaint from the neighbors.”

“That’s the spirit!” Swerve giggled and then yelped when Hess ground hard against him. “You get as loud as you want, I’ll take care of you.”

Overload was within reach in minutes, Hess kissing and biting at Swerve’s neck cables while he drove into him. There was no clank of metal on metal, just the slide of warm skin against Swerve’s overheated frame and his shouts bouncing off the walls of his habsuite, drowning out his roaring fans. Hess’s hands were wonderful and worshipful and Swerve felt craved under his touch. “Hess—please— _please—_ ”

“Please what?” Hess’s voice was ragged, his hips stuttering and his pace uneven. He was pink under the smattering of freckles that dusted his skin. He was gorgeous.

“Overload, _please_ , I can’t—aH!” his vocoder was already online, so the shriek that escaped him went completely unobstructed. It rang out, half-static, and the overload that crashed through him rocked through Hess, too. It seemed to echo like all other sensation did, looping back and forth and dragging out until Swerve was completely spent. He clung to Hess, tertiary systems flickering. “Oh…”

“Wow.” Hess’s voice was more breath then noise against Swerve’s neck. “ _Wow_.”

“Yeah.” ...he was still there. The body tangled up with his frame was still solid against him. Swerve ran his hand down Hess’s back.

“You almost died and I still held out,” Hess said quietly, answering the unspoken question. “It takes more than an overload to take me out.”

Swerve sighed, his frame dumping out hot air. “You’re heavy.”

“Do you want me to move?”

“Nah. I like it. Maybe just—” he wrapped his arms around Hess’s waist and tipped them over onto their sides, keeping his legs hitched around his hips and supporting his body with his frame. He felt around above his helm and retrieved a pillow to tuck under Hess’s head. “There.”

Hess smiled. “Thanks.” He touched Swerve’s faceplates with the back of his hand, and the space there between them grew again. Not between them, exactly, but around them. The description escaped Swerve, not even hesitating on the back of his glossa or tucked into his vocoder, but somewhere so far from the surface he couldn’t even make out the shape of it, just the size. It felt… large. Hess tapped his nose, dragging him out of his thoughts. “Hey.” He held a hand up, palm facing out.

Swerve laughed and gave him a high five. “You’re a huge dork.”

“Takes one to know one!” Hess said cheerfully. “And besides, you like me anyway.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess I do.”


End file.
